THE POWER OF "B" (12 ZTAS 5): Nasher: Get it -- together! See, I can get it together, now, so I suggest you do the same! Cheers . . . Steve Lipson [in booth]: Okay, say that once more. Nasher: ALRIGHT, STEVE! . . . I would like to give all you punters a lovely Christmas message but I'm too bladded to get it together so I jest . . . I *suggest* . . . see, I told you I couldn't get it together! I suggest you do the same. Cheers . . . Happy Christmas. Mark: [in booth] Well, that was shite. Nasher: Well go and pull your fuckin' pud then, ya plank! Ped: I'm saying fuck all. Holly: It's just like he's on a quiz show . . . Buster Mounds, yah, he's in the box . . . [unintelligible] Nasher: *sighs* Bobby: You've started a [garble] Ped: SHALL I GO OR WHAT? Bobby: Yeah. Nasher: YEH? Bobby: Yeah. Ped: Ehhh . . . heheheh . . . 'ere's my Christmas message, to all you Christmassy people. Hope you get lots of toys, and eat lots of Christmas pud's and Christmas turkey. Mark: Ohhh . . . we can't have that! Nasher: That was shit! Ped: WHY NOT? WHAT D'YA WANT ME T'SAY? HOPE YOU CHOKE ON THE TANNER IN THE PUDDIN'! ------- Part II ------- Holly: Okay, I'll sing a bit then say something aye? Nasher: [in booth] Get dead sincere like, yeh? Holly: Yeah . . . This is the spirit of Christmas-To-Come. Nasher: [enters] Are we goin' 'ere Bob? Are we goin'? Bobby: Great, just don't shout. Nasher: Okay. And so this is Christmas, and I hope you have fun . . . but I know you won't, 'cause you'll all be too full of Christmas spirit that you'll be puking everywhere. And the only way you'll have fun is if you listen to the other side of this record . . . and get even *more* sicker. Holly: Ooo..."The Power Of Love". Ooo. Mark: Go 'ed, Nasher lad. Nasher: The power...of my right hand. Holly: Ooo...'ave we got the power? Ooo. At Christmas. Nasher: Can you feel...the force. Mark: Why's everyone looking at us through that window? Holly: Because we're *ace*. [laughter] Y'know, we're Frankie Goes To Hollywood. Mark: Oh no, we're ace, like... Nasher: That was mine. That's all you're getting. Mark: Dead festive, that one eh? Holly: Dead festive. Yeah...go on, you think of something festive Mark: I can't think of any...I mean, what would you say if you had to stand here and think of a Christmas message? Holly: I know... Mark: You wouldn't be able to think of anything, would ya? Nasher: NOW, I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE...I hope you have all...have a wonderful Christmas...will that do, or do you want more bullshit? Holly: I got a T.Rex fan club letter...fan club record at Christmas once, and 'e sang Christmas songs... Mark: Did 'e? Holly: Chris...you know... Mark: CHRISTMAS...[laughs] Holly: [sings] Christmas...well-a-well-a-well-a Christmas...you know, like that... Mark: Like that...[?] Holly: What could we sing, though? Nicely? Mark: Can we sing *anything* nicely? [laughs] Holly: If you're *naughty* you get ashes in your stocking... Ped's gonna speak a poem now. Mark: Ped, come ahead. Ped's gonna recite one of his poems. Holly: Come, Ped. Mark: Wait for Ped, Nash...come in 'ere so we can give Gilly his stick... Ehhh, "Jack the lad"'s just arriving on the, ehh, Christmas scene 'ere. Ped: [arriving with his papers] Ya seen this, who's been fucking about? Does anyone wanna...wanna recite this poem? Mark: Let's see. Go 'ead. This is a poem...written, arranged, produced by P. Gill, narrated by P. Gill. Ped: *ahem* Mark: Go 'ead, Gilly. [Nasher, Paul, and Holly begin a choirlike chanting: "Aaaaaahh"] Ped: "Christmas is 'ere once again" . . . shit. I'll try it again: [laughter] "Christmas is 'ere once again, so let's all 'ave some fun; Don't forget ten pints" . . . aah, shiit. [laughter, chanting] And again: "Christmas is 'ere once again, so let's all 'ave some fun; Don't forget ten pints a night, and don't forget to come. (To the Lads' party, of course!)" Mark: Of course! Ped: Of course... [Nasher and Holly chant some more] Holly: Thank you Peter, for your Christmas cheer. Ped: I think I'll go and eat some turkey, an' pudding. It's Christmas. Mark: Come an' do it again! Holly: One, two, three, four: All: "Christmas is 'ere once again, so let's all have some fun; Don't forget ten pints a night, and don't forget to come. (To the Lads' party, of course!)" Mark: Aa-aah! Paul: Aa-aa-aaah! [Shades of "Don't Lose..."] Holly: 'Lo? Ped: Let's all go and pull some crackers lads, it's Christmas! Nasher: Yeeah! Holly: [laughs] Oooo! Mark: Come ahead lads! Nasher: Fuck the crackers, I'm pullin' me pud! Paul: Emm...someone come in an' give me some inspiration. Nasher: What are those robots called? Paul: Omnibot! Nasher: I want an Omnibot for Christmas if anybody's listenin'! Paul: I wanna Porsche for Christmas if any...no, I do actually want a convertible XJS for Christmas if anyone's listening. Nasher: No, I wanna...I wanna sixty-f... Paul: If...if you're a real Fank...Frankie fan you'll buy us all XJS'es...for Christmas... Nasher: No, you'll...you'll buy me a six...a '65 Corvette Stingray... Ped: If you're a real Frankie fan, buy me Action Man! An' a tricycle, an' a chopper... Nasher: '65 Corvette Stingray I want... Ped: ...an' a racer, an' a radio, an' a cassette... Nasher: Or an Omnibot. Ped: 'Cause I'm greedy! Paul: Merry Christmas, Frankie fans, and we all want an XJS for Christmas, okay? Ped: And an Action Man! Paul: And Ped wants an Action Man. Nasher: Ped wants an Action Girl, you pouff. He doesn't want an Action Man, he wants an Action Girl... Mark: That was a nice one Gill, you pup! Paul: Bah, humbug! Ped: And a do or don't...and a paddling pool. Ped: And a paddling pool...and a remote-controlled car... [door slams]