From Select December issue (1992):

THE ORB
Leicester Polytechnic

The understanding was that the Orb would take the stage at around 9pm.
It's now 9.30 and... and... what?  They *could* be up there.  It's 
difficult to tell... no, it's just one DJ, and a lot of zesty dance
toons pounding into the hall.

The tiles are slipping from the walls in the toilet with each resounding
thump.  The queue for the cloakroom is clogging up the route to the
bar, and when the strobes start blinking everybody starts to look like
so much television static...

A word on the 'stage'.  It is comprised of, on either side, two massive
globes which are projecting lighting effects culled from every "Man From 
Uncle" episode you can think of.  In the centre is a revolving star, The
Orb's equivalent of the Batman insignia.  What do you want, a band?

It's 10pm and The Orb come on, finally.  Cheering.  A few strange noises
from their direction.  A snazzy intro, excellent.  BOMMMMMMMM, it goes,
BOM-BOM.  BOMMMMMMMM, bom-bom.  This goes on for a while.  BOMMMMMMMM,
bom-bom.  Yes... and?

After about (BOMMMMMM, BOM-BOM) ten minutes of this (BOMMMMMMMM) some
of us (BOM-BOM) begin to feel a tad bored.  Everyone is staring at the
stage waiting for something.  Thrash and Alex amble around, adjusting
dials, looking busy, while all the time nothing is happening.  Even
the people on drugs know that nothing is happening.  They sidle up to 
others and say, Is it just me or is nothing happening?

Bang, it ends, at last, and the beats start up and the dancing begins
again.  What can you say about gigs such as these?  The Orb on tour
is as strange a concept as... I dunno, a pen going on tour.  On your
record player they are functionally pleasant, an unwinding device after
a hard day spent listening to real music.  Onstage they do their job
and people generally have a good time.  When they go all new age
however, all action ceases and the effect is one of stupendous
boredom (I actually saw someone yawning and dancing simultaneously,
which seemed to sum the event up perfectly).

After a wonderful blast of Gene Kelly doing 'Singing In The Rain',
they depart, and we make our way, dazed, into the night air, thinking
that it was not so much a gig as a happening.  It was a happening
in the sense that it happened.  That's all that's really clear.

Graham Linehan